Now ‘Free,’ Amanda Knox’s memoir is about her search for meaning : NPR

American Amanda Knox was catapulted into world infamy after being accused of the 2007 homicide of her British roommate, Meredith Kercher, throughout a examine overseas program in Perugia, Italy. Knox spent almost 4 years in an Italian jail earlier than her conviction was overturned, and he or she was ultimately exonerated. Nonetheless, Kercher’s homicide stays the defining second of Knox’s life.

“Two very younger ladies went to Perugia and one in every of them did not get to go dwelling and one in every of them got here dwelling utterly and completely modified,” she says. “It is a grieving course of for me for each of us.”

Within the years since her exoneration, Knox has labored to reclaim her narrative. In her first ebook, Waiting to Be Heard, she targeted on the main points of her conviction. Her newest memoir, Free: My Seek for Which means, goes past the occasions of her trial and imprisonment and explores the realities of reintegrating into society and rebuilding a life.

“I felt so alone and so ostracized for thus lengthy, and never simply after I was in a jail cell,” she says. “I felt very alone after I got here dwelling till I noticed that all of us, in some unspecified time in the future in our lives, have exterior issues occurring to us that we will not management that make us really feel like we’re trapped in our personal life and that we’re not the protagonists of our personal life.”

Wrongful convictions have develop into a part of Knox’s life work. She sits on the board of administrators of the Innocence Center, a nonprofit regulation agency devoted to releasing harmless folks from jail. And she or he incessantly takes on the true crime style within the podcast she hosts together with her husband referred to as Labyrinths.

Just a few years in the past, in an effort to return to phrases with what occurred to her, Knox reached out to the Italian prosecutor who despatched her to jail. He responded and the 2 started an unlikely correspondence, through which they talked about “all the things beneath the solar, the case, but additionally our lives,” Knox says.

“He has admitted that he might have been improper. He has admitted to me that I’m not the person who he thought he was prosecuting, that if somebody have been to ask him to prosecute this case once more at this time, he wouldn’t as a result of he is aware of that I am not able to committing such against the law,” Knox says.

Interview highlights

On Meredith Kercher

It is true that I did not know Meredith very properly. I had solely identified her for a couple of weeks. That stated, if you examine overseas, you get to know folks actually shortly as a result of each of us have been new arrivals to Perugia. … I used to be 20. She was 21. She was finding out journalism. I used to be finding out languages. And we each occurred to hire a room on this stunning little home overlooking the countryside. And it was good. It was that lovely time of your life when all the things is feasible and you’ve got each motive to anticipate to have stunning experiences.

On her expertise with survivor’s guilt

I’ve struggled each with survivor’s guilt in addition to with — somebody simply pointed this out to me — it is like survivor’s responsible by proxy, the place different individuals are type of implementing survivor’s guilt onto me. … After I bought married, I had on no account supposed that for that to be a public occasion. I went out of my option to make it very, very non-public and to be very, very secretive. And paparazzi confirmed up anyway. After which in fact, I get the messages from folks saying, “You realize who won’t ever get to get married? Meredith.” And I simply have that thrown in my face continually as if my life would not matter, as a result of she misplaced hers. …

It is one thing I name the only sufferer fallacy … this concept that in any tragedy, there’s solely room for one actual sufferer, and by some means, victimhood is a zero-sum equation. And so acknowledging the victimhood of 1 individual by some means takes away from the victimhood of one other. And naturally, if you actually have a look at it, it is absurd, it would not make any sense, however folks really feel that for some motive. And I believe that that is as a result of they don’t seem to be able to imagining me as an actual human being.

On discovering her function in jail as a translator and a scribe

A vital option to survive jail is to be helpful, as a result of it is an surroundings the place there’s lots of want and never lots of assets and everyone seems to be competing for these restricted assets. So one of the simplest ways to place your self just isn’t as competitors, however as a useful resource. … By that point I used to be fluent in Italian, I used to be in a position to perform as a translator. So a lot of the ladies that have been imprisoned weren’t Italian, weren’t fluent in Italian, and had no concept what anybody was telling them. …

[There were] lots of people from varied African nations, additionally Jap Europe, however there have been a pair Chinese language ladies that have been in there at one level, and I used to be translating for them. I simply occurred to have this English to Chinese language dictionary as a result of I am a language nerd. I simply had it in my cell with me and so what they did was they referred to as me down and had me translate for these ladies by pointing to phrases within the dictionary after which like translating one after the other the phrases that they have been pointing to within the dictionary from, so Chinese language to English to Italian. There have been no translators within the jail, so I ended up being the unofficial translator for everybody and each language.

After which the opposite factor that turned my type of unofficial job was scribe. I used to be everybody’s favourite scribe, not simply because I might write in each English and Italian, however as a result of I had good handwriting. Everybody actually thought that my handwriting was very stunning. And if you end up somebody who’s in jail, particularly should you’re feeling lonely and are in search of some consideration from some male counterpart, wherever he could also be, you needed to look fairly to them, and the best way that you may seem fairly is by having fairly handwriting.

On why some folks could really feel reluctant to acknowledge her innocence

Acknowledging my innocence prices folks one thing. It prices them the conclusion that they scapegoated an individual who might very properly have simply been them, that they’ve consumed as leisure the worst expertise of somebody’s life. And I believe that the price of that implies that individuals are immune to the thought of recognizing that I actually am a sufferer of those circumstances. And I am nonetheless combating a wrongful conviction to at the present time.

On attending a convention of the Innocence Community for the primary time

Two exonerees approached me. And I hadn’t but stated a phrase to anybody, they only came visiting to me, gave me a giant hug, and stated, “You do not have to elucidate a factor, little sister. We all know.” And I had no concept till that second that that was what I wanted to listen to, as a result of what I had been feeling was that earlier than I might ever be accepted by different folks, I needed to clarify myself. And I’ve to justify my existence and my presence continually. They usually have been letting me know that not solely was that not true, however additionally they had felt that manner too, as a result of why else would they know to say that?

On her resolution to succeed in out to the prosecutor of her case

For a very long time, he was the boogeyman. He was the massive scary man who was making selections to wreck my life. And I used to be frightened of him, I did not perceive him. The query that haunted me most … was why, simply merely why? … I did not assume that he was a psychopath. … There needed to be one thing extra to it, it needed to be extra sophisticated, however I could not determine it out. … So many individuals suggested me to not. Together with everybody within the innocence motion, they have been all saying, it is a waste of time. …

I reached out to him, and I informed him that I needed to know him outdoors of this adversarial system the place we have been pitted in opposition to one another from the very starting. I acknowledged that he very seemingly felt misrepresented by how the world had seen him and his interactions with this case and the way I discovered that relatable.

On how this expertise modified her as a mom

I 100% consider in transparency and honesty and I ought to all the time reply my daughter’s questions with age-appropriate honesty and never deal with this story as like this bizarre taboo side of my life and our lives. However much more necessary than that, I believe that youngsters see what we do greater than they take heed to what we are saying. And I really feel actually assured that I can present my daughter that stuff will occur that’s painful and out of your management and inevitable, but it surely would not outline you and you’ll find your manner via it. I do not know what inevitable horrible factor goes to occur to my daughter or my son, however all of us undergo one thing. And I need her to see deep down that that isn’t the top, and that’s all, and that in reality, that’s only the start. And I really feel so assured that I can do this for her and I may be there for her.

On why she goes again to Italy 

In a giant manner, I grew up in Italy. Italy is part of me. I converse Italian to my youngsters. I’m an Italian American, in some ways. One of many issues that my husband and I [said] on one in every of our journeys again to Italy was, “make good reminiscences.” That was our mantra, “make good reminiscences.” And even after I revisited my home in Perugia, the place this complete crime occurred, I had this surprising realization that it was only a place. Like there was any individual else dwelling in it as if nothing unhealthy had ever occurred. It wasn’t like this set-in-amber place of tragedy. It was a spot. This was a spot the place somebody had misplaced their life and likewise somebody had made love and different folks had lived their lives and prefer it was only a place. And each place is the place of somebody’s worst tragedy and somebody’s finest moments.

I actually felt like after dwelling so lengthy in a tragedy in Italy, what I needed was to have good reminiscences alongside them in order that I would not have this distorted view of this finally stunning nation and exquisite folks. That was actually necessary to me, to see Italy for what it actually was, and never simply the seat of the worst expertise of my life.

Lauren Krenzel and Anna Bauman produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey tailored it for the net.